100smiles Christmas Gift Giving 2012

akala ko ay isang panaginip lamang ang magbigay ng TSINELAS para sa mga batang taga payatas. Pero dahil sa nais ko talagang makatulong at makapagbigay ng kasiyahan sa mga batang kapus palad sa darating na kapaskuhan, natupad ang isang panaginip sa tulong ng malalapit na kaibigan at kakilala =))

Inluv kay pre!

Paano mo ba ise set up ang sitwasyon kung ang foundation ng pagkakakilala nyo ay bilang magkaibigan?

Chardee: Siguro, itatago ko nalang yung true feelings ko sa kanya!

Paano mo pipigilan ang sarili mo na hindi lalo ma fall sa kanya kung lagi kayong magkasama?

Chardee: Kailangan talaga, minsan tumanggi ako sa invitation niya na sumama sa mga gimikan!

Ano ang feeling kapag katabi mo siya?

Chardee: Kinikilig ako! Pero ako na yung lumalayo para sa part niya, iisipin niyang naiilang ako!

Pero hanggang kailan mo itatago o may balak ka bang sabihin sa kanya ang nararamdaman mo?

Chardee: Syempre, uso na yung dinadaan sa biro!

Sige nga, idaan mo sa biro yung pagtatapat mo ng damdamin doon sa taong yun.

Chardee: Simple lang, alam mo, pag tinetext kita, mukha siyang pang group message! Pero ang totoo, # mo lang ang sinesendan ko ng mga messages na yun ;-P

Si Dodong; ang una naming bonding sa SM =)

Sa unang pagkakataon ay nakasama ko ang aking pamangkin at nag iisang lalake sa limang anak ng aking lumisan na Ate Che.

I was his only one

He was my best friend. He always knew what to say, he was Smart, he was Funny, and he was gay. He told me, yep. One day he just said it, like it was nothing, “By the way I’m gay,” were his exact words. He didn’t talk much for the next few days. We just laid in the park. That’s all he ever wanted to do. Just lay there. In the park. On a rock that was hidden from view. And we just laid there. Before school, after school, and on the weekends. We just laid there.

Then he started talking. Not much at first. But he started talking. We talked about everything. We talked about nothing. We would talk. Just talk and lay in the park. He told me how hard it was. He told me how his parents were always at church and always fighting.

He told me how I was the only one who understood him. And while we talked and lay in the park. I noticed something. I noticed he only talked to me. At school everyone loved him. Girls mostly. But he never talked to anyone. He would sit with his popular friends, but not talk. Just sit. And he would smile at me on occasion. And I noticed I would watch the clock until school was out. So we could go up and lay and talk in the park. But I also noticed he didn’t like to be seen with me.

And one day I asked him why. And he told me. “Because I love you,” and he cried. He cried because he couldn’t show he loved me. Because if he did, he would lose his friends. He would lose his family. And I hugged him. And He cried.
He told His parents the next day. His mom cried, His dad yelled, and I held his hand. He couldn’t stand it anymore. And he ran. He ran into the rain.

And I knew where he was going. And I went there. He just sat there. Curled up with his face buried between his knees. And I didn’t know what to say. And I didn’t know what to do. And I sat with him. And he looked at me. And we just stared. And he said “I love you” and I said “Me too”. And He smiled. And I kissed him. And the rain stopped shortly afterwards. But we were still there. Holding hands.

And when it got late, we went home. And we came through his window. And we laid there. His arms wrapped around me. And we were wet, and we were cold, and I said “I love you” and he said “I love you too” and we fell asleep.

In the morning, he wasn’t there anymore. And I heard yelling. His parents. They said they were moving next week. They had to keep him away from me. And they were sending him to a special school. A school where they would “fix him”. And he had to leave me behind and never see me again. And I cried. And left through the window.

He wasn’t at school that day. He wasn’t at school that week. And I didn’t see him anymore. He loved me. And I loved him. His parents didn’t. And he killed himself for these reasons. He was my best friend. And I … I was his only one.

everyone wants...

Everyone wants to be important
Everyone wants to be heard
Everyone wants to be the center of the circle
Where friends are hanging on your every word

Everyone wants to be respected
Everyone wants to be liked
Everybody needs somebody to listen
Even somebody like me

When you want to be more fascinating
You might say things that aren't quite true
Everyone's tempted to fib sometimes
Even someone good like me

We want folks to admire us
We want someone to care
We want to make a difference:
And to know that others know we're there

But everyone has their own importance
That's what I've come to see

Respect's not a thing
You can make someone give you
It's something you have to earn

Who would've thought
After all this time
There were more things I had to learn

my "ON..."

ON MOODS - Im an EASY RIDER. Always taking life how it comes, and living in the moment. I dont get fazed by life, I just breeze through.A bit of romantic and have a taste for exotic. When it comes to art, Im definitely unconventional. I like to think differently, always from another perspective. I have a good sense of humour. As for music, its the soundtrack to my world. It gives me focus, and concentration I might find it hard to switch off. My choice of treat reveals an indulgent side of me. Im a real food lover. ON FUN - Im an ESCAPE ARTIST. I am forever slipping off, getting away from the rat race, and recharging those batteries. Independent and thoughtful, I know myself well. I take any opportunity to tune out and immerse myself in my own world. I like to keep a healthy distance and not get too caught up in all the dramas life can throw at me keeping a cool head. For kicks, I like to experience life at full volume with the lights on full. Im extremely passionate and emotional.When it comes to holidays, I reckon they should always be indulgent a very special treat and a chance to spend quality time with family and friends. ON HABITS - I go BACK TO BASICS. I am striving for a simpler life, I do without disposable trends I am inspired by nature and longevity.Even if I have a healthy approach to life, I still have my little vices that keep me going throughout the day. It is all part of the routine, Im a creature of habit. Mmmm caffeine, I love the stability and comfort of routine. Sometimes I need an extra kick to get going. I like my surroundings to be simple. ON LOVE - Im a real HOME SOUL. My heart is always at its nest, I place real importance on friendships. I am family minded, and forge strong relationships. When I think of freedom I think of technology providing me with the links to communicate wherever I am.

all start with "I"

I think life should be fun.
I don’t like work.
I think its important to have a sense of humor.
I would like to travel the world.
I love freedom.
I love animals.
I like being with groups of people for social activities.
I believe in Truth.
I love God.
We all have so many gifts.
I believe in some kind of Divine Power.
I am good at praising others.
I don’t think others should believe the same things I believe.
I believe in living my truth and setting a positive example.
I am right-brained (the creative/intuitive half).
I know that you have to commit to some beliefs to make your life meaningful.
I want to know as much as possible.
I love my friends.
I don’t think others should be into the same things I am into.
I have big plans/dreams.
I am naturally lucky, and I attract positive opportunities to myself.
I believe in expanding your mind.
Community is so important to me.
We all need to come together.
I work with imagination and intuition.
I am very honest.
Like a child, I say what I think.
I can be less blunt if my words are going to hurt someone’s feelings.
I don’t like things to get boring or routine
I want a partner who fulfills my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.
I always see both sides of the story.
Art and beauty are very important to me.
I don’t let myself get too needy.
Marriage is sacred to me.
I value commitment in relationships.
I like to keep things balanced.
I don’t like to go overboard with anything.
I would rather yield to others than fight.
I value harmony with others very highly.
I value mental activity very highly.
I love people.
I don’t get caught up in thinking, “It’s not fair!”
When good things happen for others, I am happy for them. I don’t get caught up in wishing they were happening to me.
I enjoy refined tastes and the nicest things.
I feel both masculine and feminine.
I like it when things are light-hearted.
I know that you should hold out for the perfect partner.
I like to keep a smile on my face.
I don’t like negative energy.
I can be very persuasive.
I am instinctually diplomatic.
I want to have kids someday.

Short poem for my Ate Che's Memorial

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment

ABC of Happiness

A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.


B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.


C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.


D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.


E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.


F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.


G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.


H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.


I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.


J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.


K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.


L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.


M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.


N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.


O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.


P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.


Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.


R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.


S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.


T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.


U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.


V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.


W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.


X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.


Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.



Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

Ako bilang Kapatid.

naalala ko noong grade 1 to 2 ako ay binibilhan ako ng ate ko ng kilalang
tv super hero character na si "mask rider black".

naalala ko na dati ay si Ate ang kapartner ko sa paglalaro ng mga
"paper dolls" katunggali ang dalawang kapatid na babae pa.

naalala ko na ang Ate ko ang kengkoy sa aming magkakapatid.
siya ang matapang sa amin na ipagtanggol sa aming ama kapag
ito ay nagagalit at napapagalitan kami.

naalala ko na ang Ate ko ang laging kasama ko sa tuwing mamamasyal
ang buong pamilya para manood ng sine o kumain sa labas.

naalala ko na si Ate ang sinusuklayan ko sa buhok para
makatulog. tagabunot ng uban at tagamasahe.

naalala ko ng maglayas ako ay ang ate ko ang aking tinatakbuhan
at wala siyang gatol na ako ay tinatanggap.

naalala ko ang mga alaala na lumipas na.
iyun pala ang magiging dahilan para maalala ko kung
gaano siya kahalaga sa akin noong lumalaki ako.

gusto kong lumagi sa alaala niya na kagaya niya,
ako ang magpapatawa sa kanya kapag nalulungkot siya.
ako ang magiging laruan niya kapag naiinip siya.
ako ang makikinig sa mga gusto niyang sabihin.
ako ang handang tumanggap ng lahat ng gawain
upang mabatui ang kalagayan niya.

mahirap ang pinagdadaanan ng Ate ko sa kasalukuyan.
minsan ako ay tunay na sumusuko na.
umiiyak mag isa.
humahagulhol ng walang kasama.

pero kapag nakikita kong masigla ang Ate ko,
nabubuhayan ako ng lakas ng loob.

mahaba man ang pila.
mahirap man hanapin ang mga nagmamahalang gamot,
hindi pa rin ako bumibitiw na bigyan ito ng importansya.

kulang lahat ng ginagawa ko sa lahat ng kabutihan niya sa akin.
hindi man kami tunay na magkapatid, naging masaya siya sa
pagtawag ko sa kanya na "Ate".

handling break up loneliness

A relationship is not the end-all be-all of life! We all experience moments of loneliness,

whether we are in a loving relationship or not.

It is simply an emptiness that comes from deep inside of us and it originates from not being able to truly understand and know ourselves. It is this depression that makes us aware of our own weakness as human beings.

We do not need to justify our existence through our relationships, but we often do not know any other way. The key is to be happy with ourselves in - and out - of a relationship.

If we cannot be satisfied and accepting of ourselves when we are not in a relationship, then no guy is ever going to want to be involved with us. Insecurity is often a turnoff, and we have to learn to love ourselves before we can gain the love of others.

Today is my birthday. Yeah, for me!

Dear Chardee,

Hi! Hope this letter finds you and everyone at home doing good and going great guns.

So your birthday is here.

I am sure you must have lots planned for it – big rocking dances party or something. Did you know “growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional”! And I feel this holds true for you.

Each time I meet you I see a child somewhere in you always alive and full of life. Need to learn so much from you.

I pray to God for a long, healthy and rocking life for you.

May He shower all His grace on you and your family.

Enjoy yourself on your birthday and every day of the year too.

Take care.

Love,

Myself

I'm better. Because I'm out.

When I was young, I didn't want to be a gay, but at the same time, I just didn't know how to get along with boys. I just didn't know how to relate with them. But when it comes to girls, I'm always very happy and it's like I can talk about anything. And I remember in my 4th grade, I liked boys in our classroom. Most of the time they believe I'm straight, some do have their doubts, but since I tend to hide my real self then everyone ends up believing i'm straight. I remember when I was in elementary, miraculously, I had a friend. He was a guy. And I was surprised because we were having a good time talking with one another, not until I had a crush on him, after which he just stayed away from me. But when I moved to another school and visited that school a year later, I asked him and he told me he never really was mad at me for that.

Another thing I remember from high school was that, on my first year, I used to hang out with really straight guys. The sort of bullies in the campus, and I hang out with them since we enjoy computer games together. And I really liked one of them so much, that I really told him how I felt, and it ruined the entire group hahaha! Now I'm another place and whenever we recall it (since we're still quite connected in facebook), we just laugh ourselves out.

When I stepped into college, same thing happened. I liked this guy, and another one, and another one, all was kept secret except the first one who was kinda like the campus crush. Hey I forgot to mention I also liked girls, in fact some tease and match me up with some girls ahahahh.. I would love to have a family one day, when I get mature and stable already, but when I think of guys it's like I go crazy. During my 2nd year in college I had a short term relationship or girlfriend. She's a wonderful woman, and when news spread out about the two of us having a relationship all the guys got really shocked. I loved her so much to the point I was willing to go to a campus everyday just to be able to stay with her. However, I knew she knew and we even talked about my past when I used to like guys (and even during our relationship). She just accepted me, that's why I loved her so much.

When we broke up I really got messed up, and I think that's one reason I'm now who I am. I'm outwardly bi. I like girls and guys. But i'm more feminine ( in mind ) than masculine. Sometimes when I meet those who knew me before, I tend to act masculine ahahah.. And now I'm kinda feel single every time in the mood to go with Bi friends, I'm starting to like another guy whom I know he knows how I feel. I really didn't care if get anything in return, but I just don't wanna be hurt by him in any way, may it be with gay jokes or what. I told my mom, but my mom just told me she just don't know how to help me not to be a gay. However she never despised me for it.

Now i'm not into any relationship ( platonic only ),  but all I want is to be single ( for now ). Maybe part of the reason is that I was badly hurt with my previous relationship. If ever I get another girlfriend, or a boyfriend(?), my point in having one is to get into a satisfying relationship, wherein I can express myself, and just love my partner and be loved for who I am. I've never been this me, and now I'm in the stage of accepting myself for who I am, because all of my life I really had a problem accepting my own imperfections. But now I'm better. Because I'm out.